She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
