If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
