How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
