I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
