you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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