Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
