marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
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