I need help removing her.
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize