i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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