I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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