We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
