Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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