god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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