i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
