Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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