My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
We have started to decorate penises.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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