I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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