What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
