just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
third nipple confirmed
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
