I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize