we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
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