What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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