69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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