STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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