I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
