I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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