Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
