see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Randomize
