He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
