see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
