What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
