If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
