my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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