id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
