just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
