you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
