so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
