the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
