you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
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