I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
