I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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