This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
