We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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