Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Randomize
