I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
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