Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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