I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize