I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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