That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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