Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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