oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
