entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
