i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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