I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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