Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
