I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
