are you still at the devil's house?
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
