Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
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