Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
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