lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
