you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
