i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
