1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
wow bdsm is so cute
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