and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
did you just send me my own nude
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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