the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
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