I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
