the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
