So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
