she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
