my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
