he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Randomize