I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I wear drunk well.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
