I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Randomize
