I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Randomize
