I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
