I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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