I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
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