What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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