i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
