OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
