Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
My legs feel like baby dolphins
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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