What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
