i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Randomize
