walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
