I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
