I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize