I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
