I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
