Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Come share oat with me in your robe
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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