I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
