I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
