dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
