There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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