i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
