i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
