I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
