Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
