it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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