So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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