I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
