morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Randomize
