Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
