I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
She's not a foreskin expert like you
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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