The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize