I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This is the high leading the old right now
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
