either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Randomize
