piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
